David Stone
This, according to the New York Times, is 480 Main Street, commanding apartment rents in the $5,000/mo. plus range.
This, according to the New York Times, is 480 Main Street, commanding apartment rents in the $5,000/mo. plus range.
Google Street View

Having trouble selling a home on Roosevelt Island or worried about buying one? It may be because, according to the New York Times, average home prices here have collapsed. They're nearly 30% less than five years ago, a pretty remarkable descent towards dystopia, these days.

In December, we reported on a dopey Times article - Would you consider living on Roosevelt Island - the terribleness of which was almost beyond description. Did not apparently make a dent.

Because in January, it got worse.

Yes, January, that's the first time I spotted this ridiculous real estate presentation in the Times. I decided to ignore it then, figuring they'd fix it as soon as its sheer stupidity got noticed. Guess what? Sheer stupidity keeps its place in the newspaper.

The article is so clearly a sales blurb, I assumed it was an unmarked ad. And if I'm right, the realtor, Justin Alomar at Douglas Elliman, ought to be chasing the editor down Fifth Avenue with a broomstick, demanding his money back.

Starting with the photo intended to spur interest in the property, a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment at Riverwalk Point, 480 Main Street, you've just gotta wonder if anyone checks their final output. It's an empty lot on an overcast day, and there's a Lay's Potato Chip truck parked where a building should be.

(Hint: this may be because the Times was too cheap to send out a photographer and ripped something off Google Street View - see above - for free instead.)

I'm not kidding, but it gets worse.

Worse: What's Nearby

If you scroll down, you'll see that the Times helps interested parties with long lists of nearby features. 

Interested in restaurants and cafés? No problem. First up: Orwasher's Bakery on East 78th Street. Runner up: NYAC Tap Room, which sadly for the hungry has no street address.

Oh, maybe you prefer to eat in. Also, no problem. We've got Groceries, starting with Katagiri on 59th Street, down the street from The Tram's Manhattan plaza. Or, you can pony down to Whole Foods on 57th Street. Prefer Italian? Hike up to 79th Street to shop terrific ravioli options at Agata and Valentina.

And just in case you wondered if we were cherry picking mind-boggling screw ups, consider these...

Where to park when you come to see fetching Roosevelt Island Properties? Easy peasy. We got three Central Parking facilities, one each on 58th, 60th and 61st Streets.

For Outdoor Fun, #1: Roosevelt Island Promenade rates a 9.1 on a scale of 10. Next up: Bike and Roll at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, but they only get a 7.8.

Conclusion

Shake your head and look around. You're not crazy, but the New York Times may be. 

And if you get a chance, you might want to let them know where and what Roosevelt Island really is.